He had his conscious flushed with deceit and lies. He's been forced to deal with the reverberations of one of those issues. The initial reaction was to "keep Jon in the dark" which I think would be many's natural and knee-jerk reaction to something they'd inevitably feel shameful about. What are you ashamed about yourself that you don't openly express to anyone else? It's what you are used to doing, after all, isn't it? Your mind naturally wants to protect its inner kingdom. It's how you cope with situations to avoid conflict or in order not to think about it directly. I don't think we understand the implications this imposes upon ourselves. Constantly repressing a part of yourself, not understanding why you feel the way you do. Hopefully, this can be a wake up call, to expose yourself in the light. It's not going to change overnight. It's going to be difficult. Changing habits always is. If your behaviors are self-destructive and detrimental, the body/mind/heart/spirit will not be able to keep absorbing negative energy non-stop and forever. At a certain juncture there will be a breaking point, hopefully not along the lines of the previous blog entries mental collapse, a psychotic break, if you will. If that never happens, wouldn't you simply be living a life of repression? This would lead to psychosomatic indications where your body is what starts to fail as the mind is overridden with too much negativity. All the signals are going off but no one is there to take care of them. That's your job. That's where I failed miserably. I wasn't listening.
I remain puzzled as to how I came to be me. In a matter of a few months, my life has been thrown upside down, around, and back again. I've visited death, found life, and started to experience this energetic flow of energy. I am starting to feel human again and my awareness is expanding beyond the immediate environment in my perceptible vicinity. It's going beyond in feeling the pain of the whole earth. Sitting silently, I received a vision of Earth's pain and can only hope my newfound knowledge could help alleviate some of the pain. Instead of adding to the pain through my own demise, I can rise up and become a small part of the cure. I believe it's the Kogi tribe that mastered this over centuries of meditation and living without the abusive technological advancements that capitalism is hyper-focused on. Within my being, do I hold the power to absorb some of this pain and could my unconditional love for humans, trees, insects, reptiles, amphibians, mammals, rocks, clouds, grass, bushes, plants and flowers be enough to help? There is so much substance at a deeper level than the physical touch. The keyboard isn't only a keyboard. There was a lot of thought behind it. There was someone who architected its layout and built it. There are people that tested it. There was someone that created the keys. So many things go unnoticed in the conscious.
